easing out of vacation

Vacation came and went and there's little proof but a few photos and a small pile of Florida sand that made it's way into my bedroom carpet. Sunday evening we sat at home, and the four of us looked at each other and all wondered out loud, "did that really happen?" That's what nearly six days in the car, and four days of jam packed activities in the Florida sunshine will do to you. It was a beautiful whirlwind of a trip, and within it we created many memories of laughter, adventure, and family legends. 

Now we're home where the wind is still chilling bones, though the calendar says otherwise. Yesterday I drove Lucas to the train station and watched the nearly full moon set low in the horizon. It was breathtaking, the glow and fullness. By the time I pulled away from the car park the moon was gone, tucked in for the daylight hours and the sky laid in wait of the sun. 

The days are flying fast and hard and instead of tightening my grip, I'm easing into the flow of it all. In working on what feels right, and resting when my body needs rest. In starting off gently with breakfast on the couch and kids tucked into my side, and housework nestled in the corners instead of it taking up prime real estate in our waking hours. In laying the groundwork for play and creativity and work, and finding the sweet spot where they intersect and the magic happens. 

It's also in pulling back from a weekly commitment to blogging. I may or may not show up here every Wednesday. I'm giving myself some grace and ease as I dive into other projects that are calling to me, like another round of edits on Farm Girl and furthering the word count on the new novel. {The best way to stay in the know about this space is to sign up for my mailing list, or to have blog posts emailed to you as they get published (you can do so on the side bar)}

A new season, a full moon, a new perspective. Spring is all about uncovering the shoots and buds, giving them room to grow, allowing and nurturing, cultivating. What's being unearthed for you this season?

Guest Post: Jennie Booth

The following is a post by my dear friend Jennie Booth. She's a writer of young adult fiction, contemporary stories, an avid reader, a nature enthusiast, and one of the few trusted people I text when I'm having a writer crisis! I'm so happy to share her words with you today. Thanks Jennie!

When Corinne asked me if I wanted to write a guest post for her blog I had gobs of ideas. Things like how nature helps me be a better writer...why I write...how my goal of finally reading all the books I own is going...and so many more. But as I sat down at the computer, none of them felt right until I thought about Corinne.

Friendship.

It’s such a big word with many definitions and looks and needs. Books have brought me some of my very best friends into my life, both fictional and real. They’ve carried me through rough times and my most joyous days. And when I started writing to pursue publication, I became connected to a support system of individuals who understand the yo-yo of creating art. I’ve found that this group of people is possibly more necessary to my creative process than putting my butt in the chair to do the actual creating.

We all know critique partners are important in writing (and other forms of creative expression, I’m sure) but it takes more than thoughtful criticism to carry an artist through the cloudy times. Having that person you can text/call/message and let out all the fears over publishing (Is it ever gonna happen?) and revisions (I’m making the story worse, I know it!) and an empty creative well (I’m never going to have another idea!) is necessary. Writing may feel like a solo experience when you’re deep into putting words on the page, but I think creativity really shines when it becomes a team effort.

As much as social media can be a time-suck and a whirlpool of false impressions and half-truths, I’m thankful that it has connected me with writer friends like Corinne. She’s given me valuable insight on my novels and ideas, listened to me wallow, and given me pep talks that kept me moving forward. Knowing that she’s on the other end of a text message has honestly meant so much to me.

Five years ago, I went to the first meeting of a library writers group and met my new best friend, Niki Lenz, there. Her middle grade debut comes out later this month and I am beyond excited to celebrate her success. I wouldn’t be the writer I am--or the person I am--now without Niki’s friendship.

And those are just two of many, many others who have traveled with me on this journey. So instead of sharing writing tips or parenting stories here today, I want to fill this space with thankfulness.

Who has helped you along the way? Who would you like to thank? I’d love for you to share your answers in the comments, but don’t stop there. Go and tell those people, too. Spread love and thankfulness into the world today, friends!

If you'd like to connect with Jennie, you can find her on Instagram @jenniereadsandwrites

A quick ode to knitting

My knitting life has been varied as of late. Lots of projects, some knit with thoughtfully chosen and specifically bought wool,  others unexpected and creatively pieced together with yarn from my stash. A ribbed hat made from sport weight yarn on needles so small they blistered the ends of my fingers after a week of constant ribbed knitting, another that was over and done with in two days. I finished a springtime sweater for myself, just in time for our upcoming road trip to Florida next week, and a pair of fingerless mitts made their way across the Atlantic to Sweden and a dear friend. 

Knitting holds a special place in my heart, for so many reasons. It's a balm, a creative outlet, a connection to my past, something I can pass on to my children, a meditation, an obsession, a nervous habit, a distraction, a tool for focusing, it's art and magic and finite and expansive. 

Writing and knitting go hand in hand for me, they compliment each other beautifully. Especially when in the early stages of a first draft, it's easy to get lost in the process. The vastness of the project. It feels endless and the daily word count a drop in the bucket compared to the final outcome. Knitting is almost a physical manifestation of the process... you can see something being created right in front of you, at your finger tips, in your lap. You can then hold your creation, wear it for all to see, and only you know the memories it contains. The silent prayers, the curse words at a dropped stitch, the daydreams and television shows you watched. The plot points you worked out while adding stitches and counting rows and hoping that you bought enough yarn to finish the sweater. 

Similarly to writing, there's hours of work that goes unseen even when someone looks directly at your project. Some of it is thankless and can be quite literally painful. But the hard work, the mind twisting patterns and numbers, the plot holes and complicated characters, all come together in the end in what is *hopefully* a piece of creative, soulful, and useful art. Books are art, anything hand knit is art, and both feel magical. You take an idea, you take a pattern, and breathe life into them. Poof, you have something that is timeless, something to put your name to and say, "I made that." 

Creating something out of nothing, that's what knitting and writing both feel like to me. And I love them both, and how they play off of each other and challenge me every step of the way. Even when faced with ease, there's still the question of how does this fit with the rest of the project, how does this work? Will this work? You don't know until the end. There's trust in both processes, but in such different ways. 

That is why I need a knitting project while I write, and a writing project while I knit: so I can remember to trust, myself and the process. To remember that every stitch counts, every word counts, and individually they might not amount to much - but together they make something useful and beautiful. Something timeless. 

~~~~~~~

Tomorrow my monthly newsletter goes out. If you haven't signed up to my mailing list yet, you can do so here. I promise I won't send you a gazillion emails!

Next week my family and I will be on vacation... but don't worry, there will still be a blog post next Wednesday! I'll be introducing you to a trusted writer friend of mine, Jennie Booth. I asked if she'd like to write a guest post for me, and she kindly agreed. I can't wait for you to meet her!

Tenderly lit corners

This winter I've been spending a lot of time alone. I've been searching out quiet spaces, tenderly lit corners, tending to myself by going to bed way before the rest of my family and getting up hours before the earliest riser stirs. 

These moments I'm taking for myself are non negotiable, and when I don't get them, I feel a disconnect down to my deepest core. 

Not all seasons are like this, needing such a drastic return, or introduction, to self care. 

And I don't mean self care in the bubble bath, chocolate sweets, binge watching shows and movies sort of way. I mean self care in the most sincere sense, care of self which comes by way of turning inwards and collecting the parts of self that haven't been heard recently together in a gathering... where the only goal is to hear oneself. All of the parts of self, even the disgruntled and hidden ones. 

It's beyond easy to disassociate from ourselves, the core of our being. We're living in a time where everything is fast, instant, and noise is constant. Not just by way of sound, but the incessant information being thrown at us. The clattering of voices - read, seen, heard - that forever sells us things that we don't need. Ideas. Thoughts. Judgments. Comparisons. 

Currently I'm healing a leaky gut, but I'm also tending to a weary heart. Tired from years of disconnect, tired of trying to fit into a mold, tired of trying to be good and nice and not rock boats or make waves. In doing all those things, for years, I've lost touch with my inner voice, and worse, my intuition. So consumed with doing things the 'right way', there's a steep learning curve in learning what is my way. The right way for me may not be the right way for anyone else. And that is a tough pill to swallow. 

It means not caring so much about what others think, not worrying about judgement, it means trusting in something that women for lifetimes have been told not to trust: themselves. Ourselves. Me.

And so I've been stealing away here and there, on weekend afternoons and weekday mornings. For moments, and sometimes hours at a time. With my books, tarot cards, notebooks and pens, and sometimes just myself, whatever tools I need to go further, to dig deeper, to listen better. The benefit in the process of excavating myself is that when I come out from my cave of sorts, I'm able to be more present with my family, and more loving towards myself and others. The closer we become to our honest, true selves, the brighter our lights shine. 

I'm listening, and I can't un-hear. Can't un-see. Can't un-know. 

I'm listening, and finding a connection to my self that can't be forced or rushed. One that has needed an undoing in order to become. 

Are you walking this path as well? Have you come to find yourself at this stage of life in different ways than you were able to previously? Have you read Women Who Run With The Wolves? It's a conduit for depth and seeking, and an invitation to reclaim intuition. Are there other books along the same vein that you would recommend? 

Where I'm From

This is an exercise that makes the rounds every now and then. I brought it out for my creative writing students yesterday. It's such a versatile, meaningful exercise that sounds good no matter how simple the vocabulary you use. I remember using it in a workshop, and then writing another version when I was blogging years ago. If you're interested, here's a template you can use to create your own poem.

If you write your own version, let me know, I'd love to read it! 

Where I'm From

I am from Ten Rod Road, garden hoses and sprinklers all summer long, Ball jars that pop on sticky afternoons, and T's salsa. 

I am from shared bedrooms, revolving furniture, forever open doors. 

I am from the daffodil beds, the tire swing, the scent of lilacs on spring breezes. 

I am from shoes set out for Saint Nicholas, Easter dresses and patent leather, from deep and long held grudges, from Dorothy and Rae, Mary Jane, Tee and all the sisters. 

I am from seamstresses and pipe fitters, quilters and dancers, from strong willed and tough love and lots of laughter. 

From because I said so and make do and be good and I love you. 

I am from kitchen sink baptisms, maroon fabric covered cushions in the Congregational church pews, from choir songs and natures hymns of birdsong. 

I am from the hills of Johnstown, from Germany, Ireland, and Wales, from Saint Patrick and Saint Lucia, warm potato salad, pork and sauerkraut, apple pie and chocolate cake for breakfast.

From unions, Temple, and tales from Elkins Park. From rosary beads and a portrait brought home from the war. 

I am from telescopes and kaleidoscopes, from photo collages in the hall and sepia toned photographs kept in shoe boxes, from hand sewn clothes and quilts and stories...

When NaNoWriMo isn't for you

Last week I wrote about how great NaNoWriMo is and gave a handful of tips for those of you participating in the challenge. 

And now this week, I'm here to say I've changed my mind. I'm not going to participate this year.

Earth shattering stuff, right? Not really. 

But, we don't often talk about when we change our minds and decide NOT to do something we said we would do. How often do we back out of something, stick our head in the sand, and never discuss the matter? I think it's because quitting, or if it looks like we're quitting, is somehow shameful in our society. 

It's not. So many times, quitting (or whatever word you want to use here) comes down to someone changing their mind. 

We're allowed to do that. People change. Circumstances change. 

Or, as so often happens with me, you get excited when you first think of something, decide it's a great idea, only to think about it as the days go on and realize it isn't the right choice for you. 

Over the last few years, I've tried to listen to my gut, to think before I act and speak, and to give myself time to process ideas before making a decision. I didn't do that with NaNoWriMo earlier this month. I got swept up in the excitement of it, remembering the fun of years past, and compared those feelings to those associated with the slow steady work that has been my writing life as of late... the two years and then some it took to write my latest novel, and the months it's taking to find an agent.

Ultimately, I forgot the process that fits with my life. 

By late last week I felt a growing sense of dread. I couldn't even think about planning and plotting my next story, because what was the point? I was just going to spend November freewriting and getting words in, and then after the month was over I could see what I had and go from there. I'd have 50,000 words to work with and weed through, and that would be amazing. 

Over the weekend I realized that the very thought of working through 50,000 quickly written words was the very thing that was filling me with dread, and I hadn't even written the words yet. 

And then, I gave myself permission to say no. To change my mind. To examine my life and remember what works for me, what my limitations are and be realistic in order to continue a writing life that is fulfilling, and sustainable. 

I am certain that there will be times when I'll be able to do NaNoWriMo again. But right now, as a homeschooling mom who is just finding her groove with so many things, I'm not willing to jeopardize my sanity, my sleep, my time, for those 50,000 words. 

What I am willing to do is cheer all of you on who are participating, and get to work on my next book in a way that makes sense for me, right now. Slow and steady. Like so many things in my life, slow and steady progress made by creating and meeting small achievable goals, is the way to success. My family and I live a purposefully slow life that meets the demands of all our personalities. This is not a hindrance. Hustling is not in any of our natures, and when one of us is hustling, it effects the rest of us. 

At this point in my life, I'm unwilling to let the culture of busy and hustle get the better of me. Even if that means backing out of commitments and challenges and anything that does not feel like it is a good fit. 

I'd invite you to do the same. Whether that means jumping into NaNoWriMo or not (again, read last weeks post! I think NaNo is a great thing! I fully support you if you're doing it next month!) 

I'm willing to bet our world would be a better place if we could all have the freedom to change our minds and say no when something doesn't feel right. 

It might give us the space to explore what brings us joy and what makes us tick without judgement, or own or others. 

NaNoWriMo Tips

Last week I shared in my monthly newsletter that my plan for next month is to participate in National Novel Writing Month. If you haven't heard of it before, you sign up and accept the challenge of writing 50,000 words over the course of November (roughly 1,666 words per day). I've won three times (which simply means I hit the word count goal) and while I haven't done much with any of those novels since, I've enjoyed the process and the practice it's given me. 

I thought I would share some tips and tidbits I've learned over the years that have helped me break down NaNoWriMo to make it seem more manageable. It's a little late in the game for tips on preparing for the challenge, so I'll share things that help me get through the month. If you're looking for prep tips, they're just a google search away :) 

• Tell your friends and loved ones you're taking part in the challenge. Not only will it help with accountability, but it will also help them to understand why maybe you aren't as fully present as you usually are! 
• Ask for help with things you usually do. For me, it's the household stuff, cooking dinners and laundry, things I like to stay on top of to make life easier in general. Those things tend to slide in November, and I care less when my family knows it's going to happen, and they're willing to help.
• Find a group! Whether it's in person or online, NaNoWriMo works better if you have a community of writers who are doing the same crazy challenge that you are, helping you feel less alone. The NaNo site is a great place to find local meet ups, and search by #nanowrimo2018 on social media to find other people online so you can cheer on each other. 
• Get ahead early on in the month. While the daily word count goal is around 1,600 words, aim for 2,000 a day in the first week. Bank any extra words so that you are ahead of the game if you get sick, have to cook a big Thanksgiving spread, emergencies pop up, or you just want a day off.
• Writing sprints. Whether on your own or with others, set the time for a certain amount of time (ten or fifteen minutes) and see how many words you can write. A few of those in an hour can get you to your daily word count goal. 
• Write first thing in the morning. Or in the evening. Or in little bits and pieces throughout the day. Mostly, write in whatever way fits with your lifestyle, and works best for YOU. 
• Get out of the house and write at a cafe. Or the library. A change in space can do a wonder for your mood, especially midway through the month when it feels like things are stalling and you feel like you can't go on any more. 
• Take a break. If you've banked some words, take advantage of that and take a day off. It'll be okay.
• Just keep writing. Don't edit. Don't judge your words. Just write. The main goal of NaNoWriMo is simply to write 50,000 words. Hopefully of a story, but mostly just words. They're not supposed to be perfect. They're not supposed to be polished. They're not supposed to be linear. They're not even supposed to be coherent! They are supposed to be words typed on a page. That's it. 
• Don't judge your first draft. Whether it's written in a month or longer, it doesn't matter. 50,000 words isn't a full fledged novel in general, so regardless of what gets written, you'll need to finish the story and edit after November anyway. 
• Make small goals, and reward yourself when you achieve them. Maybe it's at every 10,000 words, or only the halfway point. I like to buy myself a few treats, like nice chocolate bars or boxes of tea, and save them for meeting various goals. For someone who is goal oriented like myself, it works well!
• Have FUN. Remind yourself that writing can be fun. Challenges like this are just that, challenges, but the goal is to have fun at the same time. 

The best part of NaNoWriMo is at the end when you see what you've created. Whether you meet the big goal of 50,000 words or not, you created something out of nothing. 

NaNoWriMo is a magical thing. While often it's something people check off of their bucket list, for others it's a starting point. The first novel I ever wrote was during NaNoWriMo back in 2013, and it gave me the confidence I needed to move forward knowing that I could write a story (bare bones as it was) that had a beginning, middle, and an ending. 

I can guarantee you that if it weren't for my early novels, I wouldn't be trying to find a home for Farm Girl today. 

So have fun, write on, and let me know if you're participating or not! Head over to the NaNoWriMo site and find me, my username is crnnoel, I'd love to be a buddy and cheer on your adventure.

~~~~

I also want to note really quickly that I turned off the comments for my blog posts. This isn't because I don't want to hear from you, quite the opposite actually. I find it difficult to respond to blog comments because I'm unsure if I should respond via email, or via this space, where people will see the response... and sometimes the blog comments come in without an email attached to it and that leaves out that option, but the comment warrants a personal response I may not want to share here. 

So what I've done is opened up a permanent contact submission form that you can find at the bottom of the website. Feel free to email any time! I love having conversations about my blog posts and your experiences and all the things, but most often I prefer to have them one on one. There are so many ways for us to be in touch via social media, that another space to have public conversations is wearing on me. I hope you'll understand! 

20 ways to jump start your creativity

~take a walk

~leave your phone at home

~go screen free for an hour, a day, a week...

~bake something, maybe a loaf or two of pumpkin bread

~try a new medium of art. Paint, draw, knit, crochet, collage, calligraphy.

~take yourself on a date to someplace you've always wanted to go

~play tourist in your town or city

~read outside your usual genre

~write outside of your usual genre

~make a list of things you love

~make a list of words that start with a specific letter

~make a list of lists you want to make

~give yourself permission to daydream

~think about what you used to love as a child

~watch a favorite movie with the intent of noticing something new

~look for patterns, in nature, in your daily activities, in your thought patterns

~go outside and sit with your eyes closed for ten minutes

~follow a butterfly

~journal. Write without stopping, even if you only write one word over and over and over again... see what comes up

~move with the intent of exploration and a sense of curiosity, always

*next week we will be traveling, so there will not be a blog post and the monthly newsletter will go out the second Thursday of the month instead of the first. Take care!*

Currently...

I'm writing this on July 3rd, and it's beyond hot. My brain is fuzzy with the heat and humidity, and so for this weeks blog posts I'm turning to a tried and true journal prompt...

Currently I'm...

Reading... Enough as She is, by Rachel Simmons (it's for a book club on raising girls, but let me tell you... I'm getting just as much out of this book for myself as I am for Paige), and Somewhere Beyond the Sea by Miranda Dickinson. 

Playing... endless games of Exploding Kittens with the kids.

Watching... Nailed It on Netflix (if you need a good laugh, be sure to start with Season One!), and Death in Paradise, also on Netflix ;)

Listening to... Frank Turner, non stop since Lucas and I saw him play in Boston on Sunday. His new album, Be More Kind, is brilliant, especially his song of the same title, "In a world that has decided it's going to lose it's mind, be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind..." and his song The Way I Tend To Be, from an older album, has these lines which I simply adore: "Love is about the changes you make and not just three small words." 

Working on... reminding myself that only I can find my own internal motivation, self confidence, and self belief, no one can do it for me.

Eating... all things grilled. We made these Hawaiian Chicken Kebabs over the weekend, and they were a huge hit! 

Wanting... a new tattoo... 

Needing... to speak kindly to my body, and to drink more water.

Loving... summer evenings on our porch. We've embraced eating alfresco, and have been lingering after dinner. I'm loving the connections and conversations this time affords for the four of us nightly. 

Thinking... about the second rejection I received for my manuscript, and how the first one gained high fives, but the second one I kept to myself for a few days. It stung. Not because I expected to hear anything positive at this point, but because the reality of the long road ahead sunk in on an already difficult day. I let self doubt creep in, and I talked myself out of how much I wanted to be on this journey very quickly. Luckily, after a few days I found myself again... thanks to a husband who listens until I answer my own questions, some inner searching, and loads of journaling... and I'm in this for the long haul. {Editing to add... the universe is definitely testing me, almost as soon as I typed the words "long haul" another rejection letter came in! I'm handling it much better this week... so that's something!}

Feeling... hot. 

Celebrating... the patriotic act of dissent. 

Grateful for... beach days, live music, iced tea, summer dresses, and hope.

{The newsletter will be going out on Thursday, per usual, though it may be later on the day depending on if I have a chance to pull it all together on the 4th or not! If you haven't signed up and would like to, click here. My mailing list is, at this point, simply one email on the first Thursday of the month. I write a bit of a personal letter, share links that I've found interesting, and the most recent blog posts all in one place.}

multitudes...

I've gone quiet on most social media platforms this week. I'm feeling as though there's not much for me to add to the conversation on what's happening in our country, the border, the president, the government, the divisiveness. 

Times like this, it feels frivolous to talk about anything else. It feels as though if I turn to look away, I'm ignoring what is happening. And if I'm not speaking, how will anyone know where I stand? 

But, in order to not go numb, we need to continue with our work, whatever that may be. We must continue the work of keeping ourselves grounded, and informed, and mentally healthy in order to continue to process, to find ways to help, to be useful. It's a tricky thing to balance, and something I'm not sure any of us know how to accomplish. 

What I do know is this:

We are capable of doing more than one thing at a time, and we are capable of feeling more than one thing at a time, as well. We can be horrified, stricken, and disgusted by policies and the hypocrisy our leaders, and still find joy in our children. We can be saddened by the separations of families, and still find time to read a good book and smile at the jokes. We can frustrated and maddened by the institutional racism that plagues our country, and still take a peaceful walk on the beach and marvel at the ebb and flow of the sea. 

And that fact, that we contain multitudes of layers and feelings and joys and pains, that makes us human, and as long as we remember that each person on this planet is, in fact, human... maybe we'll have a chance after all. 

But for now, I encourage you - as I'm encouraging myself - to write on. To create. To feel empowered to do your work, to inspire and champion others work as well. We need words. We need beauty, the pretty and the messy. We need sincerity and truth and humanity. Connection. And with art, in all it's forms, we can find those very things. 

So keep writing. Keep creating. It matters.